How to Make Small Talk — The Conversational Skill That Opens Doors
Small talk is not filler. It is the conversation before the conversation that matters. It is where trust begins, where relationships are built, and where the informal decisions about credibility and likeability are quietly made. Knowing how to make small talk well is one of the most underestimated professional skills there is — and one of the most learnable.
If small talk does not come naturally to you, you are in excellent company. Research from the International Journal of Business Communication confirms that small talk skills are developed, not inherited. They are a form of conversational intelligence that can be built through awareness and practice. This article covers exactly how to do that — in meetings, on calls, in corridors, and in the business relationships that matter most.
If You Hate Small Talk — or Think You Are Bad at It
One of the most useful things to understand about how to make small talk is that it has nothing to do with being extroverted, naturally chatty, or socially confident in every situation. Many people who hate small talk — or who feel genuinely bad at small talk — are articulate and engaging in structured professional settings. Informal conversation feels harder not because anything is missing, but because nobody ever taught them the mechanics of it. Small talk for introverts is a particularly common search because introverts often feel the social energy cost of small talk acutely — but the skill itself is entirely learnable, regardless of personality type. In professional and technical training, the focus is overwhelmingly on substance, output, and delivery. Conversational intelligence is rarely on the curriculum.
The result, particularly since hybrid working became the norm, is what researchers now describe as a “social skills recession.” With fewer casual interactions in offices and more structured virtual meetings, the informal conversational muscles have had less to do. People arrive at events, meetings, or calls and find themselves uncertain about how to open, what to say, and how to move from small talk into something more substantial. That uncertainty is entirely understandable — and entirely addressable.
The good news is that small talk skills improve quickly once you understand what they are actually made of. The small talk tips that actually work are not about scripts or tricks — they are about developing the underlying skills of curiosity, acknowledgement and follow-through. Research published in the Journal of Language and Social Psychology consistently confirms that small talk frequency and quality directly correlates with relationship strength and professional trust. Conversational skills — the ability to open, sustain, and close an informal exchange in a way that leaves the other person feeling good — are learnable, practicable, and entirely within reach. And at the centre of all of it is one thing: curiosity.
You Cannot Afford to Skip Small Talk
Here is the honest case for why this matters. Some people say they hate small talk. And that is completely valid — for plenty of people, informal conversation takes energy, and they need quiet afterwards to recover. There is nothing wrong with that. However, the professionals who decide to opt out of small talk altogether are quietly costing themselves something significant.
Because small talk is not actually small. It is an information-gathering session in disguise. In the two or three minutes of informal conversation before a meeting, after a call, or at the end of a conference session, you are discovering things that no formal interaction would ever surface. How someone thinks. What drives them. What they are worried about right now. What matters to them outside of the agenda. What kind of person they are when the structure is off. That information is gold — for building relationships, for understanding stakeholders, for knowing how to communicate with someone in a way that actually lands.
The person who does the small talk is the person who knows the room before the meeting starts. They know who is stressed, who is energised, who is on side, and who needs a different kind of conversation. That awareness is a genuine professional advantage — and it is built entirely in the informal moments.
Furthermore, the response is as important as the question. The extrovert tends to do this naturally — oh, did you? That’s really interesting. I hadn’t heard that. Tell me more. Those responses signal engagement, warmth, and genuine interest. For someone who is not naturally chatty, the silence that fills the space where those responses should be can feel awkward to both parties, and it gradually drains the energy from the exchange. Learning to respond — even simply, even briefly — is the conversational skill that makes the difference between a stilted exchange and a real one.
You do not have to be the most sociable person in the room. You do not have to love it. You just have to learn it. And once you do, the wheels of every professional relationship you have will turn more easily.
The Missing Ingredient — Genuine Curiosity
The single most important shift in learning how to make small talk effectively is moving from performing interest to having it. Most people who find small talk uncomfortable are trying to generate something to say. The person who is good at it is not generating — they are noticing. They are genuinely curious about the person in front of them, and that curiosity produces the questions naturally.
Genuine curiosity sounds like: I wonder what this person’s experience of this week has been. I wonder what they are working on right now. I wonder what they think about what just happened in the meeting. Those are not performance questions — they are real ones. And when you ask from that place, the conversation takes care of itself because the other person feels it.
Research consistently shows that what people remember most from a positive social interaction is not what was said — it is how they felt. Specifically, whether they felt heard and whether they felt interesting. The professional who makes people feel that way in a five-minute conversation builds more trust and more goodwill than the one who gives a polished presentation and then disappears.
The Art of Acknowledging — The Skill Nobody Names
Alongside curiosity, the most powerful skill in small talk is acknowledging. This is the ability to receive what someone has said and reflect it back in a way that shows you actually heard it — before moving to your response, your story, or your next question.
Most conversations move too fast. Someone says something and the other person immediately replies with their own thought, question, or experience. Nothing wrong lands. Nothing has time to matter. Acknowledging is the pause that changes that. It sounds like:
Acknowledging phrases that work
“That sounds like a big week.”
“It sounds like that project has been quite the journey.”
“I hadn’t thought about it that way — that’s interesting.”
“It sounds like you’ve put a lot into that.”
“That must have been a lot to manage.”
None of these require you to have the perfect response ready. They require you to have listened. And listening — genuinely, fully, without preparing your next line — is the conversational skill that most changes how people experience you.
Acknowledging is not agreement. You are not saying they are right or wrong. You are saying: I heard you. That is enough to make most people want to keep talking to you.
Before the Meeting — The Two Minutes That Set the Tone
The conversation before the formal conversation is where the relationship is actually built. Those two minutes before a meeting starts, before a call goes to agenda, before a presentation begins — they are not dead time. They are some of the most valuable time in any professional interaction, because the tone set in those two minutes carries into everything that follows.
If you are not sure how to make small talk in these moments, the most reliable approach is to comment on something specific and immediate — something you are both experiencing right now. Not the weather (too generic to land anywhere) but something present and particular:
Small talk openers that actually work
“We had a good week — how did your team react to the results?”
“Last time we spoke you mentioned [project] — how did that go in the end?”
“I saw the announcement about [X] — what’s the mood like on your side?”
“How’s the team finding [the new system / the restructure / the new office]?”
“What’s keeping you busy right now — anything interesting?”
Each of these invites a real answer. Not a one-word response. Not a polite deflection. A real answer — which gives you a thread to follow.
The follow-up question is where small talk becomes connection. When someone answers, you follow the thread they gave you. They mentioned a deadline — ask about it. They mentioned a team challenge — ask how they are managing it. They mentioned they are looking forward to something — ask what it is. You are not interrogating. You are following their lead. That is all good small talk ever is.
After the Meeting — The Small Talk That Builds Over Time
Some of the most powerful small talk happens after the formal part is finished. When the meeting ends, most people immediately pack up and leave. The ones who are building relationships linger for two minutes. They make a brief personal comment, ask a follow-up on something that came up, or simply acknowledge the conversation that just happened. “That was a useful session — I’m going to think about what you said about X.” Those two sentences cost nothing and leave a lasting impression.
The longer-term small talk skill is remembering. When someone tells you something — about a project they are worried about, a trip they are going on, something their team is working through — and you ask about it next time, the effect is significant. Not because you have a remarkable memory, but because you bothered to notice. In busy professional life, being noticed feels rare. Being remembered feels meaningful. That is what builds business relationships over time.
How to Make Small Talk on a Zoom or Teams Call
Virtual meetings have made small talk both more important and more awkward. When everyone joins a call and immediately moves to the agenda, something is lost — the brief human exchange that makes the formal interaction easier and more trusting. Learning how to make small talk on a call is a specific skill worth developing.
The formula is simple: thirty seconds of genuine check-in before the agenda begins. Not a performative “how is everyone?” that nobody answers honestly — but a specific, directed question to one or two people. Something like:
“Before we get started — [Name], last time you mentioned you had a big presentation coming up. How did that go?”
Or simply: “How is the week treating you both? I know there’s been a lot on.”
What makes this work is specificity and sincerity. A generic check-in lands as procedure. A specific, remembered question lands as relationship. Furthermore, it signals to everyone on the call that this is a human conversation, not just a transaction. The quality of what follows is different because of those thirty seconds.
Small Talk and Business Development
In business development contexts, knowing how to make small talk is not a social nicety — it is a commercial skill. People make decisions to work with someone, recommend someone, or stay with someone based significantly on how they feel about that person. And how they feel is built almost entirely in informal moments, not formal ones.
The professional who is warm, curious, easy to talk to, and who remembers the things that matter to you builds business relationships that sustain themselves. The professional who is technically excellent but hard to connect with informally often finds that work goes to someone less skilled who is simply easier to be around.
This is not about performing warmth or faking connection. It is about being present in the informal moments and treating them with the same intention you bring to the formal ones. A two-minute conversation before a client meeting, handled well, is worth more to the relationship than the most polished proposal deck.
“Shiera’s coaching has helped me refine how I think about and communicate my company’s value statement. Her ability to provide clear, actionable insights has been a game-changer for me personally.”
Johnny Mullaney, Co-Founder, First Three Things Ltd
Small Talk Conversation Starters — What Works and What Does Not
Not all small talk openers are equal. Generic questions produce generic answers and dead ends. Specific, curious questions produce real answers and open conversations. Here is the difference in practice.
What works — and what to avoid
Avoid: “How are you?” — too generic, produces “fine thanks.”
Try instead: “How has the week been treating you — I know you’ve had a lot on.”
Avoid: “Great weather, isn’t it?” — leads nowhere.
Try instead: “I saw you were presenting to the team last week — how did that go?”
Avoid: Talking about yourself first — people connect when they feel heard, not impressed.
Try instead: Ask first. Talk about yourself when invited. The person who asks the best questions is remembered as the most interesting person in the room.
Always follow the thread: Whatever they give you, go one question deeper. That is where the real conversation begins.
The One Thing That Changes Everything
If there is a single piece of advice that covers all of how to make small talk — in meetings, on calls, in corridors, and in business relationships — it is this: be more interested in the other person than in what you are going to say next.
When your attention is genuinely on them — their answer, their experience, what they are communicating between the words — you do not need to manage the conversation. You just follow it. And the person on the other end of it walks away feeling that something real happened, even if it was only two minutes long.
That is the skill. And like every skill, it grows with practice.
Communication Skills for Every Setting
Small talk is one skill in a much bigger picture. The professionals who build the strongest relationships and the most influence at work are not better at small talk specifically — they are better communicators across every setting. The corridor conversation, the meeting, the senior stakeholder presentation, the difficult conversation, the networking room. One set of skills, applied everywhere.
At Zenith, communication skills coaching works at the level of how you think, how you listen, and how you use language — not just what you say. Using NLP and linguistic tools developed over twenty years of practice, we build the communication flexibility that makes every interaction feel easier and every relationship stronger.
✓ One-to-one coaching tailored to your specific situations
✓ Communications Skills Training for individuals and teams
✓ NLP tools that change communication patterns at the root
Frequently Asked Questions About Small Talk
How do I get better at small talk?+
The single most effective way to get better at small talk is to develop genuine curiosity about the people you are talking to. Ask one good open question, listen fully to the answer, and follow the thread they give you. Small talk is a learnable skill — not a personality type — and curiosity is the engine that makes it work.
What do I say when I don’t know what to say?+
Comment on something you are both experiencing right now — the event, the meeting, the space, something that just happened. Ask a question about the other person’s work, their week, or something they mentioned last time you spoke. The most effective small talk openers are specific and present-tense, not generic.
Is small talk a natural talent or a learnable skill?+
It is absolutely a learnable skill. Research consistently shows that people can develop conversational ability through practice and awareness. It is not about being extroverted or naturally chatty. It is about learning to be curious, to acknowledge what you hear, and to ask questions that invite real answers rather than one-word responses.
How do I make small talk on a Zoom call?+
Open with thirty seconds of genuine check-in before moving to the agenda. Ask one specific question — not “how are you” but something more particular to them or the context. Comment on something they mentioned in a previous call. The goal is to signal that you see them as a person, not just a meeting participant. That thirty seconds changes the quality of everything that follows.
Why is small talk important in business?+
Small talk is the relationship before the business. People make decisions about trust, credibility and likeability in informal moments far more than in formal ones. The professional who is easy to talk to, who remembers what you mentioned last time, and who asks good questions builds more influence and more business relationships than the one who is impressive in presentations but disappears in between.
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